IJC Unload Danish Flag Surplus
"Selling like hotcakes" say delighted middle-management middlemen
In a bold move that has been a spectacular success the world over, the Gross and Wholesale Department have finally managed to increase the sale of Danish flags, reducing an enormous overstock that has been the source of internal conflict.
"I told my brother they would never get the summer Olympics, I told him and told him, but did he listen?" recounts "G" co-manager Blini Smirovski. He adds: "He never listens."
A number of schemes have been suggested over the years in an effort to solve what was known to the Star Council as "the other Danish question", to differentiate it from issues of early-morning baked goods. The flags have variously been marketed as sheets, XXXL bandanas, flotation devices, and sandwich filling, almost always without success. In what was expected to be a solution because "pot heads will buy anything, even those South American sweaters" they were to have been sold as the Grateful Dead's new official emblem, but the plan ran aground when Jerry died, and despite personal pleas from the Elders of Zion, his wife refused to let the Conspiracy bury him in a shroud made of the Danish flag.
Although most American parachutes used during the early days of the war in Iraq were stitcched together using "the Danish item", the action was "not as plane-related" as Mr. Smirovski had hoped, and the flimsy bits of cloth proved woefully inadequate as flak-protection for infantry soldiers, although the Bush administration were "behind us one hundred percent on that" until someone let slip to the President that flak wasn't a variety of smoked fish. "He suspected it was trout or possibly whitefish. No one told him that, it's just that he hates to ask when he's not sure."
It seemed the flags were here to stay, but a final effort has proven that any problem really can be overcome if only you're Jewish.
"A lot of people would suggest our methods have been underhanded, and to them we say, thank you. Thank you very much."
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Storage of the flags had become a huge problem in itself. "If we had tp pay rent, it would have been a fortune!" said "G."
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