A bold new plan has been proposed to solve issues that surround the Middle Eastern city of Jerusalem. A city of deep religious importance to Christians, Jews and Muslims alike, the status of Jerusalem has long been a sticking point in the Middle East peace process.

A multinational corporation, however, thinks it has the answer: make the city into an Indian reservation devoted to gambling.

"It's brilliant!" says Herbert Mall, a spokesman for the company. "First, we have everyone who lives in Jerusalem made into an Indian - pardon me, Native American. They do some kind of ceremony, with drumming and some vegetarian food, a lot of mushrooms. You paint your face, hop around, it's fun! I swear. Anyway, that's the religious troubles dealt with right there, because now everyone is some sort of Indian thing. Then, we make it a reservation under the American Department of Indian Affairs - a reputable organization, someone everybody can trust. That's the whole 'It's ours, it's yours' business out of the way. Then, we open a huge casino with a biblical theme - 'Gamble for Your Clothes,' something like that. The money, the money will just flood in. Oh, I can taste it! Yum!"

A local advocate of the plan, Mr. Al "Lucky Thong" Chaim, says, "After all, Jerusalem is home to fundamentalists from all the major world religions. They gamble with other people's lives all the time - why not let them gamble with money instead? It's a lot safer! Besides which, Jerusalem is my lucky city, I can feel it. Everything would finally turn around for me, I wouldn't even need to wear my good-luck underwear to win in this town."

The plan is supported by the Sioux Nation, the government of Albania, and the US entertainment lobby, whose members prefer to be called "Cosa Nostra" or "wise guys." The idea will nonetheless face some strong opposition, not least from US president George Bush. The reservation scheme evidently flies in the face of a Bush administration plan to cater to the Jewish vote by making Israelis "honorary white people."

"A lot of them are so evenly beige," Mr. Bush told a Chamber of Commerce convention recently before being rushed from the podium by his secretary. "It just seems close enough."

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