The "Big One" earthquake - until recently scheduled for August 12, 2203 - has been pushed forward by more than a half-century in retaliation for the film "National Treasure."

"Serves them right," said a spokesman. "Now movie critics just yell 'thumbs up!' and 'a gazillion stars I give it, so great it is!' Someone has to do something to hold Hollywood accountable. Not only has Jerry Bruckheimer used a lot of confidential International Jewish Conspiracy-related information to spice up a weak script, but we object to this sad misuse of Nicholas Cage, who, frankly, could do better."

The date of the earthquake that will send most of California crumbling into the Pacific ocean has been moved closer several times in the last few decades, most notably with the release of any post-"Platoon" movies directed by Oliver Stone, films starring Ben Affleck, and the Bruce Willis vehicle "Armageddon." By contrast, the date has only been pushed back on two occasions, the second time to reward Rupert Everett's performance in "My Best Friend's Wedding," the first time as the result of a clerical error.

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