Will Atkins Ruin Channukkah?

The Atkins Diet has been a huge success, not only at making the masses cranky but we have been rolling in dough. But now that the slimming effects seem to be real (who knew?), many members are seriously worried about repercussions at home.

One member, Agent 237 (Media Division) emotionally expressed the feelings of many of the members interviewed. “I want latkes, sufganiyot and of course my favorite, marshmallow dreidels but my daughter is boycotting the whole thing and mama is threatening to make… to make… broccoli egg-white omelets. I don’t know what I am going to do. I can only sneak out of the house so many times before I am caught with a latke in my pocket.”

The InJewCon test kitchen has been working overtime to come up with alternatives but so far they have failed to bridge the gap. The closest they have come to a Atkins-friendly latke that still pleases the palette is a fried bacon-cheddar-egg combo which was promptly denounced as a “Wisconsin cholesterol-bomb of death” by the assembled moms.

On an up note, and perhaps just in time. Really drinkable kosher wine is getting a firm foothold. “Praise the lord!” said Agent 237. “I am going to have to put down a lot of it if we are going to be skipping the latkes! Now where the hell is the kosher scotch? I need to make a kosher long island iced tea if I am going to choke down a tofu sufganiyot dammit. Let's get to work on this!”

For more wine links, click here, or here. Click, I said!

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