So Ask Uncle Zog Already
Real IJC readers write to Uncle Zog every day from all over the world, asking his advice. Here's what he has to tell them.

Q. When may we rebel? - (J---@bennathan.fsnet.co.uk)

A. As soon as we are out of power. Then you may rebel--and rebel hard!

Q. I am a poor Jew. How can I become a 'real' Jew and control the world, or at least my bank account? Yours truly, Bupkes
- (g----@bezeqint.net)

A. Wow, a poor Jew! I thought you were types were exctinct. Gone the way of the strawberry egg cream and the push cart. Well, there a couple of ways to do what you ask.

First, move into a tenament building on NY's lower east side. Then spend the next 25 years sweating it out in the garment district sewing sequins onto ladies' haberdashery. During that time, ask the local yenta to arrange a marriage for you with someone whose family hails from the same shetel as you (knowing however that you will eventually divorce that person and marry a much younger and WASPier person). Then start to build your mega-conglomorate communcations company by screwing over everyone in your path and strong-arming politicans into making the 'right' decsions and making them dependant upon your money and influence. Eventually, you'll be the man (or woman) behind the man (or woman) who is supposedly in power.

Or you could marry a doctor. It's up to you.

Q. Why do jewish men have longer penies than other men?
- Teddy G., NYC

A. Well, the Jews have always been considered 'the Blacks of Europe' by everyone. . .except actual Blacks, that is.

You should probably reconsider the use of the word "penie," by the way.

Q. Are you for real? Whatever, I've had a great time on your site (if this gets to you) - like you really exisit!!!! - Cheryl

A. Do I really exisit?!? Of course I don't exist. The Zog is and has always been a far-flung figment of the imagination of every paranoid conspiracy theorist from Dealy Plaza to Ruby Ridge. And the site you just spent exactly 1 hr and 16 minutes perusing doesn't really exisit either. And Paul Wolfowitz and Richard Pearl certainly don't exisit, and the fact that they have the power to read your e-mails and listen to your phone calls is purely perposterous, thanks to the Patroit Act.

Q. "Are you one of the millions searching for a safe, ethical, secondary residual income?" - Spam

A. When you say 'ethical'. . .?

Have a question for Uncle Zog? Email him! His address is unclezog@internationaljewishconspiracy.com, like that you can't forget!

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