Kabbalah
For Members – Part Three
"No Hebe Left Behind"™:
An InJewCon Educational Series
Kabbalah is more than a body of texts teaching the ancient traditions
of Jewish mysticism: Kabbalah is a way of life and, most importantly,
a word Gentiles have trouble spelling.
Here in our third installment of Kabbalah For Members, we illuminate
some important concepts that will enrich your understanding of Kabbalah
and, by extension, pop songstress Madonna’s roles in the star-vehicle
films Who’s That Girl?, Body of Evidence,
and especially Shanghai Surprise, the most mystically-informed
work in all her oeuvre.
Nudnik
The ancient concept of Nudnik has often been misunderstood by gentiles.
Polish commentators in the early 1800s believed Nudnik to mean “insidious
and pervasive evilness that controls pretty much everything but
strangely still leaves those that perpetrate it stuck living in
backwater shit-holes like 1800s Poland” while a report to
the Czar Nicolai explained it as “an ability to make magic
pickles.”
In fact, Nudnik is a word of such power that not a single Kabbalist
ever used it when writing or speaking of religious matters, although
Isaac Luria may once have said it about his wife’s cousin.
No exact English translation exists, but Nudnik can be clarified
through the mystic concept of one naked man who tells another, “Hey,
buddy - your fly is undone.”
Voodoo Economics
Although the term has been bastardized to refer to the American
system of taxing the poor to ensure the comfort of the rich, Voodoo
Economics was originally a tool for assessing the price of basic
Magickal services, such as mind control, capital gains accounting,
and spelling the word magic with a K.
Did you know?
The commemorative plaques applied to buildings by so-called “historical”
societies throughout the world are in fact Kabbalist runes that
will protect the inhabitants from a great pestilence. Before the
end of days envelopes the finite earth and all returns to Ein Sof,
the Moshiach ben David will of course be heralded by the Moshiach
ben Yosef – but few know that he in turn will be announced
by the Moshiach ben Finklestein. Fink, as his Moshiach friends call
him, will bring a terrible plague upon the gentiles, the explanation
of which closely enough describes mayonnaise that many Members believe
the end is nigh, and has been getting nigher for years.
NEXT INSTALLMENT:
Kabbalah makes basic house-hold chores vanish! And: Is chicken salad
one of the sefirot? "No Hebe Left Behind"™ tells
you what you need to know!
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