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Is the Interdimensional Lizard Caucus
Showing Cracks?
Shape-shifting Aliens Call For Change
An International Jewish Conspiracy Weird Exclusive
The Interdimensional Lizard
Caucus may be split for the first time in its 3,000-year history
of Earth habitation. Traditionally the various species of travelers
have left their differences behind at election times and simply come
out strongly for the most oppressive party running, cementing their
bond with the Republican Party during the Goldwater candidacy. This
(Earth) year, however, things may be different.
Environmental concerns are uppermost on the minds of the dissenters.
As Zorlag the Reaper (of the 5th Dimensions Omagoanon Lizards) puts
it, “Unrestrained development, especially in Florida, has forced
us to abandon several space-travel gateway pyramids in the Everglades,
while the ridiculous number of golf courses being planted in the southwest
deserts is causing terrible hay fever problems for our constituents
there. In addition, the unrestrained use of pesticides has cut into
the population of some of the tastier bugs that have made Earth such
a booming tourist destination.”
Sssslthackk of the Btthkkkk! Lizards (aka Jules Rosenberg) also
had concerns. “We have always had our doubts about the need
for the façade of elections. Most of our other cattle is
simply conquered, driven into slavery and harvested. No muss, no
fuss. But hu-mans (earthlings) are so entertaining. As a favorite
son of the Annunukai, George Bush has always seemed like the kind
of shape-shifting lizard who could keep the hu-mans in line while
not ruining the quaint atmosphere. But he’s paving everything
just to make a buck, pretty soon only the Amazon and Antarctica
will have major gateways and that will crush the package tour market.
That’s OK for him with his fancy mansions in Andromeda and
Kennebunkport. But what about the average lizard?”
Many of Bush-Cheney’s Interdimensional Shape-shifting Lizard
supporters charge that the emphasis on environment and tourism are
a smokescreen, and that the real gripe of the ticket’s detractors
is the ban on harvesting any human who makes more than 70,000 (American
Earth) dollars or wears a big (Earth) cowboy hat.
Arrgatchh, of the staunchly conservative Draconians (aka Jim Rothschild)
says “The environment my fanny! All they want to do is stuff
themselves. I guess 90% of the population just isn’t good
enough for them anymore. While it may be true that a lot of the
white, blue-eyed stock has passed the salary cap, it’s still
far from over-harvested. It is problematic that the poor are generally
undernourished and often quite stringy if boiled, and I know that
the upper classes are better-dressed and more presentable at parties,
but I really think that many lizards are overlooking delicacies
from places like India or Mexico. They just have to develop a taste
for spicier people.” Read
more about Interdimensional Lizards and the IJC.
Do you have a story about the Republican National Convention? Send
it to submissions@internationaljewishconspiracy.com.
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Interdimensional Shape-shifting lizard delegates
party hardy at the RNC.
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