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“Daddy Debate” Cancelled
Mel Gibson's father will not be allowed
to contact the spirit of Arnold Schwarzenegger's father for a special
debate during a prime-time convention slot
The International Jewish Conspiracy has put the kibosh on Republican
convention organizers’ plans to have Mel Gibson’s father,
Hutton,
who denies that the Holocaust ever occurred, use the services of
a Psychic Friend medium to debate Gustav
Schwarzenegger, who helped make it happen.
“After the fix we put on the election last time, we want
this one to look like a fair fight," said Ira Metzer, a highly-placed
Image Manipulator. An old hand at elections, Metzer has changed
his name to Douglas Smyth-Bageshot III for the duration of the convention.
"It helps me blend in with the other 'average guys' in the
GOP," he says through the eye-holes in the newspaper he pretends
to read throughout our interview.
"We’ve balanced the stupidity of the GOP candidate by
giving the Republicans complete control of the American media. We’ve
allowed them to besmirch
the reputations of decorated war veterans in both
parties, allowed a bunch of blue-blood draft-dodgers to parade
as men of the people and defenders of freedom. The reality is, with
a war out of control and an economy in free-fall, if it weren’t
for media manipulation the Republicans wouldn’t be having
a convention – they’d be lucky to afford a room at the
Motel 6 off I-95 in Delaware and a plate of wings. We aren’t
going to have them screw up all our hard work with this sort of
stupid stunt.”
Schwarzenegger,
the thespian Governor of California, is not the only Republican
to have Nazis in his family history, and George W. Bush has said
that all Jews are going
to hell. The International Jewish Conspiracy therefore considers
it important, should the Government
Oversight Committee see fit to re-install the current “administration,”
that it look plausible for an electorate including 6 million Jews
and other educated people to have chosen him.
"It's not an easy job," admits Smyth-Bageshot. "What
a bunch of nut-jobs."
Do you have a story about the Republican National Convention? Send
it to submissions@internationaljewishconspiracy.com.
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