INJEWCON Lowers US Taxes
Two Members to Benefit

Jan. 31, 2003 — Tax cuts agreed by INJEWCON this week for the US will benefit at least two prominent organization members.

David Bruno announced the windfall on behalf of the Department of Usury yesterday. Bruno had been in negotiations with the US government to obtain for INJEWCON the kind of tax benefits that the government had previously extended to Enron and other US corporations. Late in negotiations, however, it was recalled that as an underground plot, INJEWCON didn’t pay taxes; the benefits, which had been wrestled from the budgets for health and education, were therefore conferred on the wealthy.

Mr. Bruno is famous for his running battle with the 8-year Clinton administration, the first to increase the proportional fiscal burden on corporations since the 1950s. Under Mr. Clinton, the percentage of government tax income levied from wealthy corporations rose to around four percent, leaving the average American to pay no more than the remaining 96%. “It didn’t seem fair for enormous billion-dollar industries to have to pay so much,” says Bruno, who is well remembered for calling Mr. Clinton “a moderate and a mensch,” insults the erstwhile President did not take lightly. Mr. Bruno also described the politician from Arkansas as “so tall.”

Zvi Blahnik, from the Department of Trade, will reap the greatest rewards of the program, earning enough from the tax cut to purchase an extra soft drink every week from a vending machine, or twice a week from the deli if he feels like walking that far which, with his arthritis, is a shlep.

Another association member to benefit prefers to remain anonymous. "When he hears about the extra money, my brother-in-law will come around begging again, that shlemiel," he says. When asked to what he felt he owed his good fortune, he says, “You call thirty lousy dollars a fortune? I call it meshuggineh. Most Americans will get nothing at all. Let’s face it, we got Christianed.”

US Members and their elephants will soon enjoy a high-protein tax cut.

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