“Passion” Fatwah Recalled

Sept. 3, 2003 — Moishe Heschel, an 85-year old tailor from New York’s upper west side, has been disappointed to learn that the Elders of Zion have chosen to over-ride the Fatwah he declared against arch-Catholic actor Mel Gibson early last week during a light lunch. Mr. Heschel had just finished watching the news when he reportedly exploded, “Someone should let that SOB have it already, with his Aramaic.”   Several female members of the family were present, and pleaded for Mr. Gibson’s safety on the grounds that “he has such a nice tochis.” Mr. Heschel was so incensed that he ate only a little hardboiled egg on some bread.

A spokescantor, singing on behalf of the Elders of Zion, has reported that although the threat to Mr. Gibson was lifted primarily out of an abhorrence of violence and because there is no word for Fatwah in Yiddish, the actor’s shapely buttocks were also a factor. A dissenting opinion will be released next week.

Read this article in Aramaic.